


Toasters

by Traxits



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Community: fic_promptly, Dirge of Cerberus Canon Compliant, Gen, Oneshot, Original Game Canon Compliant, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 10:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4388519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traxits/pseuds/Traxits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the second toaster to have gone missing.  Reeve tilted his head, and he frowned as he reached up to brush his fingers against his chin.  He'd bought it only a day or two ago.  How was it missing already?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toasters

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt: Any, any, an irrational fear of toasters.

It was the second toaster to have gone missing. Reeve tilted his head, and he frowned as he reached up to brush his fingers against his chin. He'd bought it only a day or two ago. How was it missing already?

The first one had vanished without a trace. If he were honest, he wouldn't have noticed had Yuffie been around.

"Reeeeeeeve," she'd squealed, charging into his office. He'd snatched up the papers he'd been working on just in time for her to leap onto his desk. She'd crouched down on his desk and leaned forward until her face was only a few inches away. "Someone stole the toaster!"

He stood there now, still studying the space, and he sighed. At first, he'd been unable to understand what she was trying to tell him. She'd had to drag him right to this spot and point. There had been both a bag of bread and an empty space where the toaster should have been.

Now, there was one again, and he wasn't sure why.

He bit his bottom lip, thinking about it. A swirl of red caught his attention out of the corner of his eye, and he poked his head out the door. "Vincent," he called, and Vincent went still where he was. His head inclined. It was the only sign that he was listening, and Reeve knew better than to waste the chance. "Thank you, Vincent," he said, wanting to get that in the air. Then he asked, "Do you use the breakroom?"

Vincent turned, folded his arms over his chest, and raised an eyebrow.

Reeve realized that was a stupid question, but it didn't stop him from going on. "It's just, there's... Something has been happening to the toasters--"

Vincent waved a hand, and the claw glinted gold in the light. Then he turned on his heel to continue down the hall. Reeve sighed, looking back at the empty space where the toaster had been. Surely there was an explanation. No matter how little Vincent cared, Reeve couldn't leave it alone. Not after someone had stolen a second one.

Yuffie would perch on his desk again the second a third one went missing.

For the third one, he bought a cheaper toaster. Then he set up his trap.

It was easy enough to install a little camera there on the wall, and Reeve set it to feed into his tablet. The first week was frustrating. His tablet lit up every time someone walked into the break room. Most of the time, it was just to pull something out of the fridge or put something in. But he learned entirely too much about some of his WRO members.

Yuffie sustained herself solely on toasted bread, peanut butter, and bananas at the WRO. Every time that he spotted her with her lunch, he resigned himself to cooking for her. Maybe under the guise of getting her to negotiate something about Wutai with him. Not that they had much left to negotiate after the last few times he'd fed her.

One thing he did notice, however, was that Vincent actually did use the break room. He would duck in there when there were too many people in the hallway. Sometimes, he even got things from the fridge.

Reeve wondered at that. He couldn't figure out what Vincent got when Reeve didn't remember seeing him put anything in.

Then, finally, he discovered the mystery of his toasters.

Yuffie had just put her bread in when her phone rang, so she ducked out of the room to talk. Reeve smiled faintly for that, for seeing her trust the WRO members not to steal her food. She'd come a long way since he'd first met her through Cait Sith. Then Vincent came in. He was bent over, half in the fridge when the toast popped out. And faster than the camera could track, Vincent had stood. There were _holes_ in Yuffie's bread when they fell onto the counter.

And for once, there was a hole in the wall where they'd popped up, just above the toaster.

The other WRO members started to move, but they stilled when Vincent looked over. He holstered the gun, and Reeve watched as he swept the bread off the counter and into the trash. Vincent hesitated, and then, with a sharp snap of his wrist, he snatched the toaster off the counter. Reeve's eyes narrowed, and he leaned closer into his tablet.

It was hard to tell on the screen, but he thought Vincent might be... Was he _shaking_?

Reeve dropped his tablet on the desk. He jogged down the hallway toward the break room because he wanted to intercept Vincent. He didn't need Yuffie to realize that what had happened to her toaster and bread. Vincent had bagged up the trash and was stalking out of the room with it when Reeve ran into him. Only Vincent's too tight grip on his elbow kept him from hitting the floor. Reeve managed a faint laugh, a smile, and he held out a hand for the bag.

"I'll take care of it," he promised, and Vincent hesitated.

He clenched the bag even more tightly. Reeve tried to warm his smile, tried to be as disarming as possible.

"I didn't even think about it, Vincent. I'll fix it. Just... We don't want Yuffie thinking you stole her lunch, do we?"

Vincent glanced back over his shoulder at the few WRO members who had witnessed the whole thing. It was a toss up whether they thought Vincent or Yuffie was scarier. Reeve wondered if Vincent realized that. If Vincent realized that Yuffie would never forgive him for stealing her toaster.

Vincent's hold tightened again, and then he handed it over. Reeve's smile widened.

"I don't... like those," Vincent finally said. His voice was even quieter than normal. Reeve nodded.

"I understand. They're loud."

Vincent nodded after a minute. He glanced over Reeve's shoulder before he turned and headed down the hallway. Reeve didn't let himself look back. He just headed in to inspect the toaster.

Luckily, Vincent had shot the bread and not the appliance. Reeve didn't have to replace it right away. Although, he supposed he'd be finding a mini-fridge for Vincent to use.

He plugged the toaster back in and put fresh bread in it. Then he pulled open the fridge door just as Yuffie walked back in, snapping her phone closed. She rushed the counter, leaned over it, and then frowned as she studied her toast.

"Reeeeeeeve," she said, and Reeve glanced up from the fridge. "Something's wrong with this one. I think it's busted."

Reeve let himself frown faintly, and he joined her at the counter, leaning over to look at it. The coils were bright red, so he didn't think it was damaged. That just meant it was taking far too long in Yuffie's opinion. Fair, considering he'd just started that batch of toast.

"Maybe it is," he agreed. "I'll look at it when you're done."

She nodded, and he went back to the fridge to pull out a can of the soda he kept stocked for everyone to drink. He'd barely straightened back up when Yuffie asked, "Is that a _bullet hole_ in the wall?"


End file.
